Post by Dylan O'Brien on Sept 1, 2016 22:29:28 GMT -6
Hello Darkness, My Old Friend....
Price Residence
September 1, 2016
Off Camera
September 1, 2016
Off Camera
He hated the way he felt on the inside. The simple fact of the matter was that he had failed Kaelan. There was no if’s, and’s or but’s about it. Oliver would blame himself of course but it wasn’t his fault. Kaelan wasn’t his responsibility. Dylan had been tasked with protecting her and she had nearly had her head kicked right off of her shoulders by the big fuckers boot. Queenie had been right. Kaelan was his soft spot. A soft spot that never would have been exploited if it wasn’t for this war with the gypsy clan. No one would have ever known because Oliver’s attention wouldn’t have been stretched so thin. He could have focused, as he always had, on protecting Kaelan and sheltering her from the realities of the real world. None of that mattered, though. He had failed her. To make things worse she had caught wind of his interaction with Amber Richards.
“Kaelan…”
She was resting but he knew she wasn’t sleeping. The way she was laying, the rise and fall of her chest with each breath of air in and out of her lungs, was not how she slept. No, she was merely ignoring him because she was furious at him. Not furious because he had failed to protect her, but furious because she didn’t understand why he did the things he had done. Part of that was on Oliver for not explaining to her exactly what his role was. It wasn’t merely protector, but he was the one who was responsible for doing the brutal things. Oliver had a dark soul, there was no doubting that, but he was also a man who had the weight of the world on his shoulders. The last thing he needed was to be burdened with the true grittiness of their occupation. He was the puppetteer, Dylan was the puppet.
“Enough, Kaelan. I know yer not fockin sleeping. Yeh can’t just fockin sit there and ignore me all day.”
Unwillingly she huffed and gave herself away, which only seemed to infuriate her more. She reached for her phone but Dylan was quick to snatch it from her grasp. Immediately her right hand came up and slapped him across the cheek, a stinging sensation appearing as quickly as her handprint did on the side of his face. He paid no mind to that. It had seemingly become a game to see how many times he could be hit in a single day.
“I said that we were gonna fuckin talk. Yeh dun understand a quarter of what yer fockin mad about and i’ll not have it anymore. If Oli won’t fockin tell yeh, then I will.”
Kaelan wasn’t happy with Dylan. He didn’t even understand why she was so unhappy, or at least it didn’t’ seem like it. Honestly she was embarrassed more than anything after watching what he had done to Amber. She folded her arms across her chest and just glared at him.
“Fine. Talk. Wot is it, I dun understand. Yer hand in Amber’s pants er, da part you wanna fock da girl who took a cheap shot on Cat? I understand perfectly well. It’s a mind game. Whatever. Enjoy it.”
She grabbed her phone out of his hand, and started looking at her feed before reading some of his tweets to Amber, tossing it down and being even madder. Her hands back to being crossed over her chest. After what she had let him do to her, she felt even worse about what she had seen. Like she was part of his game.
“Tired o’ being part of yeh games. I didn’ do anyting to deserve being another pawn. Wot’s the plan now, seduce me to make me closer to yeh, so Oli dun have to bother wit me?”
Frustrated, Dylan rubbed his temples and shook his head. There was so much to explain and so much that she wouldn’t accept even after he had explained it to her. Such was the sacrifice of being a part of the brotherhood that he had sworn himself to so many years earlier.
“Nae I don’t want ta fock her. She fockin disgusts me. But I have ta fockin do it. It’s me job, Kaelan. I get it. Yeh don’t like it. Yeh hate me fer it. I understand but it’s not what I fockin want ta do. It’s not me choice. I do what yer fockin brudder tells me ta do. That’s me job. He told me ta fockin break them, one by one. Do yeh want ta hear that I’m a fockin monster? I am. I’ve been fockin tellin yeh I am. But if yeh tink I wouldn’t do all of this shite again ta make sure we survive and they don’t, yer fockin loony.”
He rubbed his hands together nervously, looking at her and expecting her to interject immediately and tell him to go fuck himself. At least she hadn’t yet done that, but there was still plenty of time.
“It’s not even a hard choice, lass. D’yeh know what it feels like ta wrap yer hands around the throat of a wee lass, not five er six years old, and feel the life drain from her body. I do. I know because it’s me job. I know because I’ve done it ta protect me brudders, ta make sure they survive. Ta make sure that they get ta go home ta their fockin lasses that keep them warm at night. If yeh think I wouldn’t do ‘at and worse fer you, not fer fockin’ Oliver but fer you, then I say it again. Yer fockin loony.”
Shaking his head, he ran his fingers across his smoothly shaved scalp, feeling more vulnerable with her in the room than he ever had wanted to feel in his life.
“Someone has ta do it, Kaelan. That fockin gypsy lass has yeh mixed up in yer fockin head, thinkin they do their things fer good reasons. Do yeh really tink Renee wouldn’t have done the same fockin thing ta you if yeh had the chance? An he would have gone ta bed that night pleased with himself. Do yeh know what I fockin did? I sat here an watched yeh sleep, ready ta rip the fockin throat out of any man er woman who came through ‘at fockin door. I sat here fockin disgusted with meself. But it’s me fockin job, Kaelan. It’s the only ting I’ve ever been good at in me life. Hate me fer it if yeh must, but it won’t stop me from fockin doin it.”
Kaelan’s whole body seemed to relax a little bit but, she still wasn’t happy, in fact she was having a hard time looking at Dylan at all. She looked down at her hands now in her lap and chewed her lip. So this whole thing was her fault, or was it Oli’s because this is what he asked of him? She felt a bit sick if she had to be honest with knowing what he did, did Oli do those things too? She shook a bit not really wanting to know the answer.
“Why fer me? Because Oli said so? It made me sick to wotch yeh do dat. Is dat how yeh plan to break a lass who lives ‘er entire loife being abused, sexually, mentally and physically? I dun understand, why yeh ‘ave to do THAT. Isn’t dere other tings. Better tings ta do. I can take da violence and e’eryting else.”
She still didn’t look at him she wasn’t sure what else to really say, or to do. She liked Dylan but she didn’t know if she still could and watch him do those things and then tell her that it was to keep her safe.
“You and Oli love committing all kinds of violent acts, and den say it’s because yeh be fockin protecting me. ‘Ow dat be protecting me? Watchin me sleep an’ hatin yerself. Den don’t do it. Find another way. It’s not right...I guess dis is why yeh all see me as the weak link. Why dey see me as it too. Why I nearly got me head kicked off. Because I can’t make da tough decisions, and I let people in me life dat should ‘ave never been dere in da first place.”
He just wanted to shake her. Why couldn’t she just fucking look at him? To see her unable to look him in the eye, when twenty four hours earlier she had lit up like the sun around him, was just another knife to his cold, nearly lifeless heart.
“Yer not weak, Kaelan. Yer good. Yeh have a pure heart. That doesn’t make yeh weak. It makes yeh better than me. It makes yeh better than Oliver. It even makes yeh better than Cat. Yeh, I do those tings ‘cuz Oli tells me ta do them. But that’s not the only reason. It’s not about breakin the gypsy cunt that thinks she’s a fockin queen. She’s nothing but a means ta Renee. She’s just one brick in a kingdom that yer brother is tearing apart piece by piece. But if he’s going ta destroy a man as fockin twisted as Renee he has ta be just as dark as him. I have ta be just as fockin dark as him. We have ta be worse.”
He sighed and took a deep breath before stepping towards her, tilting her chin upward so that she was looking at him.
“But that doesn’t mean I have ta be worse when it’s just us sitting here. What I have ta do ta end them disgusts me. But the tings we did… they didn’t disgust me. I have one good ting in me life, Kaelan. An I get punched in the face every day fer her.”
She turned her chin away from him and stood up. She drew her fist back and punched him in the jaw where she had slapped him. His face barely flinched, but her hand stung. She shook it off, even though inside she was cursing but she wasn’t gonna tell him that as she clenched and unclenched her fist.
“Yeh tink dat e’eryting will jus be fine? Dat yeh go out dere and fock da gypsies and come home and tink I be letting yeh come close to wot we’ve done? I can’t. I dun care ‘bout anyting else but fockin dem and tinking it all be okay wit me. No. Not like even Oli is doing dat to Cat. I trusted you, and I liked you and now I be embarrassed because I’m gonna be jus like dem. Yeh say differently but I’ll jus see wot you plan ta do wit them and I dun know if that’s not gon make me sick.”
She started massaging her hand a bit and shook her head, looking at the floor before back up at Dylan.
“I saw da good in yeh. But, if yeh be standing here ‘elling me yer gonna fock da gypsies because me brudder told yeh too. Well I guess he be gettin what he wonts. Guess he won be needin a reason ta punch yeh everyday, yer face won be sore anymore ‘cause of me. I dun want yeh watching me sleep, dun want yeh watching me at all. ‘Cause I ‘ave feelings and I shouldn’. Because I’m too soft fer someone like yeh. Better suited for Queenie.”
He felt the sting of his words seemingly pierce his soul and immediately shut his emotions down. His own eyes locked with hers and all he could do was shake his head.
“If that’s what yeh truly want, lass. Then I’ll go sit in the hallway like a good fockin dog.”
Dylan moved towards the door, peeling his eyes away from her momentarily. With one hand he gripped the door handle, twisting it and pulling the door open.
“I’m not focking a gypsy. I wasn’t going to fock a gypsy. I’m sorry I let yeh down, lass. I won’t say annuder word to yeh.”
Was that really what Kaelan wanted? No. She didn’t think so. But she had done the damage. She sat back down on her bed looking at the floor, ashamed of herself in a way. Her hand stung and her face started throbbing with phantom pains of what had happened to her the night before.
“Fine. Be dat way! Never asked fer dat, just fer yeh to not hover over me. But fine, yeh wanna act like a fockin dog, then be a fockin dog and sit out dere. Yeh didn’ let me down when I took dat boot to da face. Yeh let me down when yeh had yer hand in her pants, and wen yeh tweet ‘er how much yeh liked it. ‘Ave a good night.”
She walked over to the door and went to slam it in his face. He caught it with his hand and shook his head. Of course she wasn’t going to be trusted with the door being closed, like she was going to slip out the window or something. She just glared at him, she was upset she didn’t want anyone to see how upset she really was. She just turned on her heels and climbed back into bed staring at him sitting outside the door, with his bottle of whiskey. All the light she had seen in his face when he looked at her drained, and emptiness was left, she had really fucked things up. She had to figure out a way to fix things.
I've come to talk to you again...